What’s the difference between being hungry and horny?
where you put the cucumber
I wonder if the young girls playing on the trampoline next door know that
- I can see them
- I can hear them singing You Can’t Stop The Beat from Hairspray
- they are really bad singers and
- I can probably get a YouTube-worthy video of them from my current position
gUYS I PUT ON MY COUSINS HOCKEY MASK AND STOOD AT THE WINDOW AND YELLED “STOP YOUR INFERNAL SINGSONG I’M TRYING TO MURDER HERE” AND THEY SCREAMED AND TRIED TO RUN AWAY AND ONE FELL OVER AND STARTED CRYING
- Normal people: crying cause I really miss you.
- Ed Sheeran: I don't get waves of missing you anymore, they're more like tsunami tides in my eyes
- Normal people: you're making me blush!
- Ed Sheeran: tell her that she turns my cheeks the color of my hair
- Normal people: we're spooning
- Ed Sheeran: we're resembling cutlery
- Normal people: my life is falling apart
- Ed Sheeran: her face seems slowly sinking, wasting, crumbling like pastries
- Normal people: marry me?
- Ed Sheeran: see, I could do without a tan on my left hand where my fourth finger meets my knuckle
- Normal people: i really want to kiss you
- Ed Sheeran: all i want is the taste that your lips allow
- Normal people: let's cuddle
- Ed Sheeran: cover me up, cuddle me in, lie down with me and hold me in your arms
- Normal people: i want to hug you
- Ed Sheeran: i was made to keep your body warm but i'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms
- Normal people: she's a crack whore prostitute
- Ed Sheeran: and in a pipe she flies to the motherland or sells love to another man
- Normal people: i'm sad and lonely
- Ed Sheeran: cause lately i've been waking up alone, paint splattered teardrops on my shirt
- Normal people: i'm going to get wasted and sleep with someone else to forget about you
- Ed Sheeran: i wanna be drunk when i wake up, on the right side of the wrong bed
- Normal people: expect me to drunk diall you later
- Ed Sheeran: and that tonight i'll call ya, after my blood is drowning in alcohol
